sad..lonely..alone

i am now listening to songs that would really make anybody sad if they are sad and happy if they are happy..me,i want to cry..cry and weep hard..thinking of things that made a big impact on me for the span a months..i have no big sister to turn to or anybody to run when im feeling this kind of feeling..this loneliness was starting to creep on my system even when i was on my way to work..i was about to cry then but i have to stop the tears from falling..i dont want strangers to see me fall apart..a couple of months ago i have my ate to tell all my problems and laugh at my jokes..go to the mall, hang out at home,talk to before sleeping,rest my head to when i am sleepy while commuting knowing that i wont make a full of myself because i am with my ate..ever since she left for dubai to pursue her dreams i think im lost..up untill now 1 month passed by and i still cry when ever i think of my bestfriend my ate specially when i feel alone like today..what trigger my outburst of emotions? i think the fact that i have nobody to share my loneliness with it used to be my ate but now that she left there is no one around i am here all alone hiding my emotions, crying my heart out in the solace of my room and aloofness..somebody around who i can draw strength to get thru moments like this when i am feeling stupid and depressed..and someone who can stand by me, listen, share, laugh or simply to be with..
and what started as rumbling about my sadness because i miss my ate turn to thinking why i dont have a boyfriend up until now..which leads to questions like what is wrong with me? what is missing? why dont i look like those girls? why am i not pretty or even cute enough? why do guys see me as fat and not who i am? do i have a bad personality? how come i am still alone? how come i havent fallen inlove with any guy? why do guys dont know i exist? how come i never experience being courted to?...why's?..how's?..what's?..when will i meet him?...does he even exists?..or i am bound to be single forever..
after all the questions i still want my fairy tale to come true..im still waiting for my prince to come..i am still waiting for love..
after all this..i realize that i have to be comfortable to be by myself first before being with someone..and that i am searching for someone because i have this specific idea of what i need of him and thats not good..
but again what if God's plan for me is to be a single person..i told God that i give Him my all what ever His plan is I accept..so what if thats the case? its gonna be a long and bumpy road but in the end i know ill be able to accept it..i know that God wont give me anything that He knows wont be good for me..i trust You Lord God and if this is the way for me i just have one prayer and that is to help me realize that and accept...