i am doing something i am gonna hate..it sucks

well i just talked to almond or chat with him..the guy i used to really really liked that it came to a point that i thought i was falling for..well i realized then that i wasnt and what i felt for him was just infatuation a pure but strong crush..and now i am able to talk to him without kilig and even told him what i used to feel for him..but i think he doesnt believe me when i told him that he is not my crush anymore..actually i just asked him about his love life today and told me that i am his love life..and then he asked me if he is cute? well duh?!!..why did he ask me that? i mean he knows and told him over and over again that he is not my crush anymore..he was my crush back then when we were in college but now i have grown and i am not into him..i want a serious relationships now that i can have one..i want mature relationship that possibly can go as far as marriage..and that is what i am hopping and praying for..to meet someone that can bring me to the altar..a relationship that can last a lifetime..right now i havent found that somebody or i am just too preoccupied with my dream boy that i cant see that man or am looking at the wrong direction..
well back with almond..i just think that he is soooooo too sure of himself..so what that i had a crush with him back in college..but thats the thing that was long ago..but he is just too oh my goodness he thinks that he is this gigolo ewww...no way he is a turn off..and to prove to him that i moved on i told him that i have a new crush..that this guy gave me spaghetti for lunch and treat me for starbucks and i even went as far as telling my friend kring the same thing, i made it sound like he is a sweet guy..which is i know is so childish but what can i say.. but instead of proving something to him now i feel really really guilty because i know that its not true and that i am telling a lie and afraid that he would think i am shallow..that i am just a girly girl full of idiocracy inshort puro kaartehan..which i admit i am but i am not all that i have sense too but i dont know why i cant show that when we chat..why is it that our topics are full of nonsense..right now im soooooo irritated of him well thats just because instead of blaming me i just blame him for my stupidity..and then to add salt to the injury i read his forumm which he posted in his web site..he said that he hate girls that are maarte..grrrrrr..is he talking about me or what? i know its lame but hey cant blame me for thinking something like that although he was my ex crush he still is a friend and we will still see each other when we have our reunion...