i dont believe it but it wont hurt if i secretly want it to happen...

last week i have nothing to do so i just decided for the fun of it to do some test about my lovelife or do some hokus pokus reading for my future in the web...and then just a few days later i received an email from a psychic about what she thinks about something that will happen to me for the next months or so...
she said that with in 56 days im going to meet my soulmate..my so-called soulmate will be someone i will meet during a specific time and place which i should be in or else the next time we will meet again would be in ages which means we will meet again when we are older...and it aint good when that happens coz i want to have a family of my own..and so this "guy" is someone i dont know but we have the same likes or habits or the same job the psychic said...
i definitely dont believe in this hokus bogus thing..but honestly i had some doubts...well see here i didnt said anything to the psychic about what i want her to read about me or did i? well i forgot but i think i didnt...so what made her read my future love life...and then she said that 2006 will have a very big impact on me..this would be my greatest year ever..well as of the moment 2006 is really the year that really changed my life i got my first job last january and my sister and i became apart this june...so that one is true..then there is that love thing...deep inside i want to meet that somebody who in a way would be the same as me...she said that he will be a complete stranger i havent met him before...
well if ever this is true..its a nice thing to happen to me because i really really would like no actually love to meet the one for me...i want to meet him because i really need someone to be with now that my sister is physically not present..someone who i can share my thoughts with and emotions, feeling...and well....someone who can accompny me when my parents are not at home coz it is soooo scary when im left alone at home, accompany me to movies or shopping or when i want to eat out...
i know it sounds im being selfish because i am just thinking about myself but i know that if ever the time will come that i have somebody it is not just what i want..our relationship is for the two of us, its not a one man show..its just that since i am clueless on what goes on a relationships i am just thinking of the perks for me..

my te ga

i miss my ate ga...hay! there are times when i think of her and how much i miss our bonding moments i cry and i cant stop crying and when i do stop its like im supressing my feelings and i know that the next time i cry the emotion would be greater than before....
i think for one year i would feel this way because im very close to her...just being at the places where we used to hang out makes me sad just like at the mall that we last spend together we were there to buy my ate's stuff..thinking of it right now makes me teary eyed..i love my ate so much....i pray to God that she can achieve her goals and dreams and i know that she also wishes for someone who will love her forever....
ate miss n miss n miss n miss n kita....love you te ga!

what if i will be single forever?!!!...

last monday while waiting in line for the bus to arrive i had a thought...what if??? earlier that evening, i had a dinner with kring and we were chatting and the topic about guys came up...she said that the only guy she knows that are very honest and loyal with his girlfriend was dennis...and i was like aok dennis...
i remembered how dennis treated us when we were in our dorm..he was sweet in a way...well he told me i had a great voice one time when we were jamming...he also told me that i have a soft or beautiful hands and he actually touched my hands...and then he also made us a soup when lora was not yet around and kring was hungry and he also made a point that i finish my soup or else he will do something to me which in the end he never did...then there was this one time when i was in the veranda of our dorm then he went there to see the view and my friends locked us out he told them that they are just jealous of us...so that was a kilig factor specially because i had a crush with him..then i think that was january when that feeling came back to me...and i found out that he already has a girlfriend i even send him an email saying hi and he never replied...but thats ok i moved on besides it was only a crush...

So...what if the guy for me died already..or that our destiny is not to be together although we are meant to be....what if there is really no guy for me...what if ill never meet him and ill grow old and alone...if that is the situation then its ok and i pray for strength from God so i wont have a hard time accepting it..besides i could spend time with my ate or kuya's family and spoil their kids and buy condominiums or vacation houses...i could also go on trips around the world...i could shop and shop till i drop and not worry about the cost coz i dont have a responsibility, a family that i have to go home to...i could buy things and do things and i dont have to worry about a thing...that would be allright with me if ever it is really what is meant to be for me...
my mom said in one of our chats that she will not allow me not to have a boyfriend..but that is not up to her because if it is God's will for me to be single then that is what will happen...
but if ever i will meet that man i pray and wish that he will be the one for me...i think i cant stand the pain of loving someone and losing him...i have felt that before although they are not my boyfriend and just crushes..i felt the pain when i had to see them not seeing me...and i told myself over and over again that God let me feel those pains because He wants to protect me and make me stronger because when the time comes He gives the one for me i'll be ready...
i just pray that he will be a good guy..i dont care for his looks coz that is not important..i want him to be a family man, kind, loving and with sense of humor and knows how to work hard, romantic, strong...someone who i will feel protected and warmth...
WHAT IFS.........