a promise only in words

i decided not to join our graduation ceremony this march because.......uhmmm well i told everybody that i dont want to waste that one day but the truth is i dont want them(meaning the ones i did a lot of stupid stuff when i was still in college and months after that)to see me and vice versa...

although i promised myself that i am gonna march after i finish my masteral and i am gonna do it

i also promised myself that i am gonna stop talking about my crushes to anybody and up untill now i am keeping my promise...but it doesnt mean im gonna stop thinking or dreaming of somethong about them...hehehehe...

i also decided to go on fasting this lenten season..im not gonna eat any meat every friday and i do hope im gonna keep it...i'll have to wait and see...

what will be my future according to me..

last week or so..i was still not sure of what will be my future..what will happen to me after my contract expires here in iss after may or june i have nothing..what would be my next job...i was afraid because i dont have any idea i was lost...then something came on my mind about the course i took..it is like i really wont be practising it coz i really dont like programming that much...so the next thing that came to me was...what next?

but this week specially yesterday and today i finally found some clarity of what i want to do...i want to do what i really wanted to do...what i have been dreaming of doing since i was young or ever since i made up my mind...hahaha...

i want to go to abroad actually i want to go to different countries but since this is reality i think ill start with dubai..my mother told me that it is easier to go there than going straight to where ever destination i want..so im gonna go there first and work..after that if i have enough savings i want to apply for a job anywhere in europe...i want to go there because i really want to see the sights since i am into nature and romantic stuffs i would definitely enjoy europe...then of coarse i have to work there and i think twice as much because i also heard from someone that living in europe really aint that cheap plus i also want to study masteral and i am lining more on something like international studies because i am interested in learning different languages although my mother wants me to take up mathematics..well i want to take something that i would love and enjoy...i hope and pray to LORD GOD that i would be able to do it actually it is my ultimate goal...to have a new start in a new country and to prove to myself that i can...i want to experience living by myself...and every weekends i would be on a train or a boat to go somewhere where i could experience the magic of the places...

i am a dreamer and a believer...and i believe that one day i would be able to make my dreams a reality...

last song...

up untill today i still cant get enough of hale's kung wala ka...everytime i listen to different songs i get so sleepy but when i listen to this song i am rejuvinated...

last weekend i went with my co-officemate on our company outing at first i didnt want to go coz im kinda feeling lazy and the weekend is my time to relaz and sleep all day..but since this is my first job and i have to experience this..i went...

the place was beautifull but my first sight of the room i didnt like it...it was giving me creepy feeling and it was just not my thing...not unlike the other rooms i have stayed in the past...well anyway the beach was a breath of fresh air..i always love the nature be it the mountains, forests or beaches... i enjoyed discovering the wonders of the land and the water...

besides that i have a new guy that i think looks cute but not yet my crush coz i still dont know his personality..it may sound cliche but i really go for the characteristics of a guy above all..but anyway he ws there and i discovered something new about him although few and i only heard it and not get a first hand experience with him...i did see him dance and it looks like he was drunk but i doubt it coz i didnt see him drink anything...well it only add up to his cuteness...he is a chinoy wich means he has a very chinese eyes and has a white complexion...

it seems that the only story i post here are the stories about my crushes and my ex-crushes..well that is me always minding what i dont have...my love life

a time to think it thru

i am working na...so after 3 months of trying to look for a job i landed one and currently im in the office...just want to take a break for a while then i will get back to what ive been doing...a way for me to look back while listening to hale's kung wala ka over and over since this morning..actually when i got here i was in the mood for mymp but i heard this song and it describes what i feel so...

yesterday i emailed this someone..a past crush that for the last couple of weeks the feelings i had for him were resurfacing again..i just wanted to say hello and try to get info or something and i also said that he doesnt have to reply to that email if he doesnt want to..and i guess he doenst want to coz i saw that he was online yesterday and he didnt answer...i know deep inside i want him to reply just to start a casual, friendly thing with him...

and now our common friend confirmed that he has a gf already...although ive known about it since january it still hurts...i dont know who to tell about it that is why i decided to again create a blog...i was really high earlier because i was excited to see if he was going to answer my email...and then now..parang all of the energy was drained from me...actually parang i was going to cry pa nga kanina...parang not again ito na naman been there done that... then i asked myself kailan kaya...when will i meet that one person that is meant to be with me..? or am i going to meet him pa ba? does he exists?

it is like he exists but only in my dreams, daydreams and dream dreams....

in fairness he is really mabait ( i dont want to translate it in english coz it is different when i say it in tagalog)..thoguhtfull...did u know that when we were still dorm mates he cooked us soup, then he picked my hand and told me it was soft, then also told me that i have a beautiful voice, then when we were in the balcony of the dorm and 2 of my friends locked the door ( so we can have a privacy so they said) he said that they were just envy of us...i had a different crush back then which was the reason why my so called feelings(crush) for him was short lived....but now it came back but just for imagination coz it cant go any further than that....

HAY BUHAY...i have a lot of crushes....JUST crushes...

palipas oras

i had a blog but i had to delete coz my friends saw it...i dont like them to see what i've been putting on that blog...so even if i dont want to delete the content i had to...and i didnt even make a copy of the posts i made...sayang...

anyhow i am starting all over again...at least now i chose a blog name that would be really hard for them to guess...

i just want let it all out..the things on my mind..hay the things i did...i did it but i guess not much thought of what will be the consequences for the actions...